advice to live by

Did you ever watch the show Full House growing up? I SO did. It was like my favorite. Remember TGIF- Friday nights.. that's what I was doing! Anyway.. Full House was my absolute fav. It was my first real TV Show crush. I taped the final episode.. VHS!! Oh yeah!

I loved every character.. I had a crush on John Stamos, I thought Bob Saget was goofy yet lovable.. I loved the twins Mary Kate and Ashley- So cute! And there was Candace Cameron as DJ.. always the sweet and supportive, responsible older sister.

Well.. Candace grew up to be a different type of role model. She is now a pretty popular christian speaker and I've subscribed to  her blog.

She's got some pretty great things to say and I wanted to share today's post with you. Something to think about for sure. This is definately a prayer of my heart.

It’s no good in a relationship when one person feels like they are always the bad one. Of course, bad and good when it comes to cars is not nearly as serious as bad and good when it comes to respecting one another’s feelings, or raising the kids, or simply being kind. But whatever the cause, lopsided relationships are very dangerous.

Relationships are like clothing. When they’ve been sitting around in one position for too long they get wrinkled, and it’s hard to get those wrinkles out. We grow used to the fact that I’m the one who wrecks the car, or he’s the insensitive one, or I’m the one who does all the giving, and we can’t even notice when patterns change.

Before we get married we tend to see our beloveds through rose-colored glasses. We may notice that they do annoying things, but we think of these as “cute quirks” that they will likely grow out of.

Once we’re married, those glasses often fall off and we start noticing all the things that are wrong with our husbands. And then those lenses take over. We tend to judge our men by the patterns that we’ve developed. We assume he’ll act a certain way, and so we start setting him up for failure.

One couple I know, who have been married for almost thirty years, embody this. Exuberant and social, they’re always the life of the party. But one of her favorite topics of conversation is all the ways that her husband disappointed her when the children were little. She’s always joking about it. And the more she talks, the further down in his seat he slouches. She’s developed the identity of being “the martyr”, and he’s developed the identity of “never doing anything right”.

That’s why I think the “good” ones in relationships have a choice to make. Do you want your identity tied up in being good, or do you want a good marriage? A relationship can’t withstand someone always being the bad one. If you want your marriage to improve, then at some point you’re going to have to let the bad one off the hook for all the dents they’ve caused to your bumper.

Most of us could benefit from a little of Anne of Green Gables’ attitude when she said, “Oh, Marilla, isn’t it wonderful that tomorrow is a day with no mistakes in yet?” Try to deal with the hurt and the anger once and for all and just be kind to one another. After all, a shattered windshield can be fixed. If we shatter someone’s self-worth, it’s a lot harder to pick up the pieces.